<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; line-break: after-white-space;" class=""><div><blockquote type="cite" class=""></blockquote><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.</span><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""></blockquote><font color="#5856d6" face="Calibri, sans-serif" class=""><span style="font-size: 21.33333396911621px;" class=""><br class=""></span></font><blockquote type="cite" class=""></blockquote><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.</span> <span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.</span> <span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.</span></div><div><font face="Calibri, sans-serif" class=""><span style="font-size: 21.33333396911621px;" class=""><br class=""></span></font><blockquote type="cite" class=""></blockquote><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.</span> <span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.</span> <span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.</span> <span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class=""><br class=""></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;" class="">When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.</span><br class=""><blockquote type="cite" class=""></blockquote><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;" class=""> </span></div></body></html>